I forgot

I had a realization a short time back about my Twitter addiction. Twitter is a reflection of all the crosstalk in our heads. Only now we can get different responses because we're not only answering ourselves. Mostly crosstalk surrounds the fears we have. Once I got started, I let it take hold of me and started tweeting about news stories and making snarky little comments to get my point across. I thought that I was keeping up on what was REALLY happening in the world. The reality was that I forgot that it's easier to hate than love. It's easier to find fault than shore up another. I fell for the high school mentality that is politics. I was getting my news from a bunch of different sources, but they were all pretty much doing the same thing. They were giving me a small amount of information and a huge amount of their perspective to go along. I felt myself getting depressed about all the turmoil in the country and totally losing perspective about what is really important. Until my daughter walked away from a car accident... Now I remember. The car did exactly what I wanted it to do. It saved her life and I will miss the car. Thank you Volvo. My family is well, mostly well-adjusted with a slight dose of crazy, but I wouldn't have them any other way. When I think about how one moment can change a whole life, I am able to turn off the world domination track and listen to the silence or go to this great website: themeditationroom.com and listen to guided meditations or just listen to the sounds of nature. It is so much better than listening to the sniping that is politics. I wish everyone who wants to be a political figure good luck and God speed. I have grown up and finally understand that fear will always be the driving force behind every political agenda. I also understand that love is the only thing powerful enough to overcome fear. Any fear. The country will do what the country does. In my little world, I choose to listen to different sounds. To feel love instead of hatred and depression. I take a stand for Unconditional Love. Today is a good day and tomorrow will be gravy.

I want change.

I just sent letters to the White House and to my state Senator and Rep. I don't know what else to do. I have been so caught up in this Administration. I know that it's because I have too much time on my hands. I cancelled my Twitter account because I've been so filled with anxiety about what's going on in our country. I see the social unrest that is creeping into our daily conversation. It is extremely hard to concentrate on much else. I have to cut myself off from commenting or hearing comments about what is happening. I kinda want the Republicans to take over the House. I want them to take responsibility for work in this country. I do think Obama was right to tackle so many big things so fast. It gives him some room to let the Republicans do their thing and still not be able to change the direction of the country, but IT IS SO HARD TO WATCH US LOSE GROUND IN THE EYES OF THE CITIZENRY. I woke up this morning totally convinced that I would not be voting again. Ever! Why vote? Then I realized that change looks like this. Change is usually accompanied by extreme temperatures, the feeling of standing on shaky ground, etc. It's hard. This uneasy feeling is what change feels like. I just have to keep reminding myself.

I was talking with my husband this morning about our land line telephone. It costs a hundred dollars a month to keep a line for the fax and one for the phone. We rarely use the fax, so do we really need to keep paying for that line? We each have Smart Phones, but somehow having it makes me feel, what, secure? Are we emotionally tied to the phone simply because it's what we've always known? Remember the days when there were phone exchanges? The days when there was a real person sitting behind a panel full of holes connecting every caller by hand? I'm not quite that old, but I did work at a company as a receptionist and I had to handle an updated version of that phone system for the building. Those were innovations at one time too. I think about the attachment to the familiar and I begin to understand the state of this country. The discord is a by-product of change. Change happens. It happens to everything. In our discussion about losing of the phone, I felt discomfort. Having a phone sitting in the same place at all times that you know will never run out of battery feels safe. It's not comfortable letting go of the things that made YOU feel safe. The things that defined YOUR life. We've just always had a phone attached to our house. And when I hear people say that they've gotten rid of theirs, I cringe a little. We still write checks when a large majority of people do their checking on-line. It feels safer. I'm sure the changes that are happening in our country feels wrong for some people, but holding on doesn't stop the generational push and pull. I notice that the people making the loudest noise right now in the world of politics are some of the same people who made the loudest noise in the sixties and seventies. The "love and peace generation" seems to have grown into the "Me" generation which grew into the "Free Trade/Corporate/wealth generation and now it's the "No" generation". Is that me? I hated Twitter at first and now I tweet all the time. I went from PC to Mac. I have a "Crackberry". I welcome new technologies. I want cleaner energy sources. I want to own a flying car. If I have to let go of the old to get to those things, I will try very hard to stay open and make the leap. Now we just have to convince my father-in-law who lives with us. He's a different matter all together.